Merry Christmas from The Stillwells

“The Stillwells are Still Well” -Darrell

A “Christmas letter” (blog post) seemed like the best way to share all the Stillwell updates from the year. The following is written by Sarah.

So here’s our story of 2020. It’s a long one. You might want to pop some popcorn and grab a drink.

NYC

On January 17th we announced the big news that we’d be moving to New York City! We were excited, overwhelmed and oh so unaware of what God had in store for 2020. How did this happen? We realize this was a major blindside for many. Darrell was offered a job in education (in the Bronx) while in the midst of a very long interview process for an executive director position with a different organization in Brooklyn (not education related). The executive director job seemed like such a long shot considering we weren’t in the area. It was moving very slowly yet seemed more and more promising with each step. The education job dropped out of the sky and took us by surprise. We decided it was our ticket to NYC and that the executive director job may or may not come through but it was enough to make the leap comfortably. Plus, with the growing connections he was making through the interview process, it seemed many doors were opening for us in the city.

Let me interject to say: So yes, we were looking to move to NYC, kinda. We were looking for a change, ya know getting married the world is your oyster, yada yada, we were ready to set out on the adventure called life together. We were considering other places, but it wasn’t like we decided we wanted to leave KY, we were just seeing what was out there. So NYC seemed like a long shot in all of this, but then it started falling into place so we thought, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, we would be crazy not to jump at it! We visited in early January and looked at a ton of apartments, originally thinking we would live in the Bronx. Once we started looking at apartments, we began exploring other boroughs. We found an apartment with the most amazing windows and spectacular view of Manhattan over in Astoria (Queens), but it also had an oven smaller than most microwaves and we decided the commute would be unreal so we limited ourselves to Manhattan. This meant a heftier rent but proximity to everything we would want to take advantage of in our child free years and the commute was much better. We decided on Upper West Side. We found a property management group we really liked and started exploring their different buildings. We landed on a pre-war building with a one bedroom apartment on the third floor. While many people apparently want an apartment much higher for the views, we were mostly concerned with Penny’s adjustment to going down three floors and over 3 blocks to her potty spot when she had grown accustomed to just ringing a bell and being let out the back door in Darrell’s Lexington home.

Over MLK Jr. Day weekend, we sold the majority of our possessions in order to downsize. The first weekend of February, Darrell’s house hit the market on Saturday around noon and he had 8 or 9 offers by Sunday night. Toward the middle of February, Darrell said goodbye to his family, friends and colleagues and he and Penny made their way to NYC. I moved in with my sister and brother-in-law in Berea to finish wedding preparations. The plan was that I’d join Darrell after the wedding/honeymoon.

The Wedding

Wedding festivities kicked off in early February and continued blissfully until about the second week of March when things started looking bad. We were unsure what was happening, how bad it would be and so we decided the bachelorette party and final bridal shower would go on as planned, with some modifications. When I arrived back in Berea that Sunday night, I was exhausted and very worried. I took some time to unpack from the weekend and talk to Darrell on the phone. I had been on the phone with our venue multiple times the Friday prior, trying to decipher how bad this was going to be… would everything be cancelled? Would this “blow over” quickly enough that it wouldn’t impact our wedding? I was scrolling on my phone and saw the news article… CDC says events should be limited to 50. I hadn’t eaten anything for hours and I remember my sister bringing me a leftover veggie tray and sitting with me on the bed in their guestroom. I was worried mostly about Darrell being so far away and the impending doom in New York. They were getting hit so much harder and things were screeching to a halt… it was a challenge for him to find food in the nearby grocery stores and I was worried we would be stuck far apart, in the middle of worldwide chaos and faced with a decision about our big day.

That Tuesday I had a meeting in western Kentucky and in the middle of it, I got a call that our venue was forced to cancel our wedding. We could opt for a refund or to reschedule. By this point, we pretty much knew this was coming and decided opting for a refund was the best option for us because we still needed to get married and I needed to join Darrell in New York and we didn’t want to delay any of that. We weren’t sure what to do next but I convinced Darrell to rent a car and drive with Penny back to Kentucky that morning. He was in a car leaving the city by lunch time. He arrived in Berea in the early hours of Wednesday morning. That afternoon we discussed what to do next. It was impossible to know the “right” thing to do but given what information we had at the time, we decided to try to get a marriage license since the ability to do so might not be an option if we waited, and we knew regardless of what was to come, we wanted to be legally married within a month. (It was like right at 30 days before our original wedding date.) We went back to Leanna and Clayton’s house, a bit happy and excited, a lot overwhelmed and unsure of what was to happen next. As state regulations continued to increase, we discussed what timelines would look like for planning a wedding, a much different vision than what we dreamed and planned for months. Over the course of about 4 hours, we decided, with the help of Leanna and Clayton, to put our heads together and have the wedding there at their house with as few people as possible. In less than 48 hours, we pulled off an intimate ceremony and reception which was broadcast virtually through a private Facebook group of our original guest list. It breaks our hearts that so many dear friends and family, especially our grandparents, weren’t there in person with us, but it was incredibly touching to hear and read the sweet messages from everyone online.

Looking back, yeah, there are a million things I wish we had done differently. Seeing so many others who’ve gotten married during the pandemic but waited a little longer, I think we probably would’ve done a lot of things differently but we both agree we made the best decision given the circumstances. It will be a story for the grandkids one day. And it was very beautiful. To everyone who helped, watched online, sent well wishes, cried with us / for us, we thank you and we love you! At the end of the day, we got to marry each other and that’s all we wanted. And that’s all that matters.

More about the wedding: HOW I DESIGNED MY OWN WEDDING DRESS, HOW I MADE OUR INVITATIONS, WEDDING DETAILS, OUR WEDDING MUSIC, WEDDING DECOR

Back to NYC

After the wedding we spent a weekend at Boone Tavern in Berea. I would hardly call it a honeymoon because we basically spent the entire weekend watching CNN coverage of the pandemic, taking trips to Walmart to buy more puzzles, and ordering room service because everything was closed.

Leanna and Clayton were so gracious to allow us (and Penny) to live with them for about a month until we decided it was time to get back to NYC. People thought we were crazy for going back (into the epicenter) but we were itching for some sense of normalcy (LOL looking back) and to “get on with our lives.”

Our time in NYC was spent in our tiny apartment and at the nearby parks. Our exploring consisted of going to grocery stores, picnics, and just walking. Picking a direction and just walking for an hour or so. That’s literally all you could do outside of your apartment. We ordered some takeout and binge watched a lot of TV. We cooked a lot of new recipes and tried to make our apartment feel more like a home.

In the fall of 2019, I left my job at the retail federation to freelance. I had a few clients and once we found out we were moving to New York, I decided it was best to end those projects. I had plans of finding work in NYC, the best place for a gal in PR! Well that didn’t go as planned. Not many places were hiring during a pandemic, or their open positions were frozen, or if you found one you were competing with a gazillion of professionals who were laid off due to the pandemic. It was a tough job market. I continued to search and as I phased out my projects in April, I decided I wanted to focus my new time on the blog, something I wanted to do for years. In May, I started blogging everyday. I challenged myself to blog every single day for 90 days. I didn’t publicize this goal but I wanted to see if I could really do it. I thought this would give me the jumpstart needed to grow the blog and be more consistent. Despite sickness, travel, writer’s block, and moving, I managed to reach this goal! This was a huge win for me personally, especially in the midst of feeling so down about my career.

How was Darrell doing through all of this? Well the education job fell through and the executive director job became frozen. It was devastating. Here we were in NYC, in a pandemic, we’d just sold everything we owned to make this move, we were newlyweds trying to bounce back from the blow of our wedding, our honeymoon, and the start to our marriage, and we were smacked with the terrible news about our careers from all angles.

I’m tearing up as I type this because looking back I see God’s fingerprints are all over the story of this year. God was there with us when everything else was crumbling. Most of the spring and summer I basically felt like the air had been sucked out of me. There was so much involved in just adjusting to city life and then every door seemed to be shutting in our faces. “But God...” as the saying goes… He kept providing interviews and leads on jobs for Darrell. I really started digging into the Bible and it's funny how when so much is stripped away, that’s when God really has your heart. Our year is such a testament to God’s goodness. He gave me the time to work on my blog which laid the foundation to so many connections I made (many where we live now) that helped us get settled in the Carolinas. All that time spent writing was building me back up to pursue opportunities months later, solidifying friendships and opening doors for my new business.

I’m so proud of Darrell and how he persevered. He found work quickly with a startup that excited him and we found ways to fill the gaps with other projects. We continued to look for the kind of work we wanted and were met with lots of disappointment but God provided, even if it wasn’t the way we envisioned, He got us through.

Some Reflections Re: NYC

Living in NYC when we did, kinda felt like living in a snow globe. Minus the snow. Well it did snow one time in April. Anyway, my point is, we really didn’t make friends. We didn’t know anyone. We only really talked to the staff in our building who worked the front desk. We rarely saw any of our neighbors, if we did, they didn’t want to talk. We saw human life across the courtyard when we looked out our living room window across to another apartment. We would go to the park and see others who appeared to be our age, doing the socially distant picnic gathering thing with their dogs and takeout and wished they’d invite us over. But it was just us, in our little shoeboxes or exploring the city streets. We enjoyed a lot about living there. I think we would’ve had a wonderful time had things been different. I love so much about the city and in many ways you could say our experience living there was very romantic. A stunning backdrop for the first few months of marriage. (Technically the first month was spent living with my sister and brother-in-law lol.)

My favorite part about living in NYC? Well at least based on what we could do there at the time anyway… was Central Park and Riverside Park. Both so beautiful. In the weeks when we were making the decision whether to stay or leave NYC, I took many walks on hot summer afternoons in those parks. When I reflect on living in NYC, my mind first goes to the parks, the walks to the parks - passing lovely brownstones, our neighborhood and its smells and scenes, cooking in our tiny apartment kitchen and the 7pm banging of pots and pans - something people started doing every night in support of front line workers.

More about our apartment: OUR BATHROOM, OUR DINING AREA, OUR KITCHEN

Our street.

Moving to the Carolinas

Again, this came to a shock to many. If we were planning to leave NYC, why did we choose the Carolinas over “moving back” to Kentucky? Well we had visited this small town once upon a time and fallen in love with its charm. Before the thought of NYC ever came into our minds, we had discussed where we would live if we could live anywhere. There are a gazillion reasons why the greater Charlotte area is a perfect place to move. Darrell’s startup job was fully remote and allowed us the freedom to live wherever we wanted. Since the Carolinas were the only other place we’d truly considered, we started researching. Come to find out, it’s a much better environment for Darrell’s health than KY (and significantly better than NYC), and the South Carolina side (where we now live) is the fastest growing area in the United States. Located so closely to Charlotte means lots of opportunity and we discovered my second cousin lives in the town we were eyeing! It’s a drivable distance from our families and about 3 hours from the beach! This area is truly booming and it’s so beautiful!!

Why didn’t we stick it out in NYC? Well with the job situation not getting any brighter, (although the organization with the executive director job was very interested in Darrell if we were willing to wait out the indefinite job freeze) we realized staying in New York meant sinking a lot of cash quickly when more money wasn’t promised. We could “wait it out” and be left with very little to our name, barely scraping by, or we could salvage what we had and cut our losses with a fresh start. We loved New York and didn’t want to throw in the towel, especially not so soon. But New York was looking grim, and not just for us. We watched the property management’s website add new listings daily as neighbors fled the city, moving elsewhere to escape the epicenter. And as these new listings were posted, we noticed much larger apartments were being rented for much less than we were paying for our tiny one bedroom with mostly terrible natural light. (The very limited natural light really takes a toll on you after a while, especially during quarantine!) We knew we could leave and live a much more comfortable life with a much lower cost of living, within driving distance of family and know we were in a place where we could put down roots. Yes, we had thought about all of these things before moving to New York, but as many can attest, this year provided a different perspective on so much. Our hopes and dreams shifted so much since January.

The decision to start over again wasn’t made lightly, we took a trip to meet up with my sister and brother-in-law and another dear couple. During this trip, we were able to step away from city life, breath in some salt air and just get some space. Darrell and I took many long walks that weekend to discuss the idea of moving to the Carolinas in greater detail. That trip was so good for us. It allowed us to unwind with friends and also take a moment to stop and think. We knew what we wanted to do at this point, (move to Rock Hill) but we wanted to be absolutely sure of it.

When we made it back to the city, we kicked it into high gear and moved less than 3 weeks later. It really happened that fast. Arriving in Rock Hill that first night is something I will never forget. We drove first to our apartment building and I remember we got out of the car with the biggest smiles on our faces. It was spitting rain but the sun was setting and the sky was all bright pink and purple. It was even more beautiful that we remembered from when we visited the fall before. We actually signed our lease after FaceTiming with the property manager because the apartments we wanted were going so quickly (new property) and wanted to secure that location!

Dr. Darrell Stillwell, Realtor

Through the process of buying and selling two homes over the years, Darrell became interested in real estate. Something he always pondered but didn’t seem to fit into his career plans. Very shortly after moving to South Carolina and seeing incredible growth happening here, Darrell shared with me one afternoon as we explored the area, that he was thinking about getting his real estate license. I was immediately on board because Darrell has so many great skills for this industry! He found a school and due to the pandemic, was given the option of completing the education virtually at his own pace. He buckled down and knocked out the courses and exams through late summer and early fall. This fall he signed with Allen Tate Realty and he’s excited to see what God has in store for this journey.

One evening in August, a local high school reached out saying there had been some shifts in their staff and they were looking to hire a math teacher right away. He was offered the job the next day and began at the end of that week! This school is phenomenal and they really pour into their teachers! Darrell continued to work with the startup for a few months and eventually let that go to dedicate time to his real estate career. He is still teaching and loving it! We are so excited for 2021 and the exciting things on the horizon with both endeavors.

Sarah Opened an Etsy Shop

My blog has grown so much since dedicating more time to it starting in May. After my 90 day writing challenge, I am writing less, but stay pretty consistent with it. So many blessings have flown through this blog. I picked up photography this summer and have worked with a handful of fellow bloggers to produce content! It has provided an amazing little online community - I have met (virtually and some in person) so many amazing, talented ladies who share the same interests and that’s been such a sweet and unexpected gift this year. This fall, it pushed me to pursue a dream I’ve had for a while… to open an Etsy shop. It took some time to get everything ready to launch, but I finally opened my shop on November 17th and I’m blown away by how well my bows are selling, how much people love them and all of the sweet friendships that have come from it already! I can’t wait to see what happens in 2021 with this little business!!

Closing Out This Crazy Year

We are closing out 2020 in Arizona. Plans A & B for our honeymoon both fell through (European cruises) so we are doing something totally different and heading to the desert for a week! Maybe next year we’ll get to go to Europe. After Christmas, we’ll be soaking up the natural beauty of Arizona, reflecting on the love and blessings we’ve experienced this year and looking ahead to plans for 2021. It’s been a wild ride. A lot of tough decisions. A lot of disappointment. Very high highs, and extra low lows. But we are alive, we’re healthy and we’re okay.

Other recaps regarding family and our year:

No more Spoonbread. Dad took an early retirement in April and with that, we as a family said goodbye to the festival we helped plan for many years. I honestly think it was for the best it happened this way because had we known last year that it was our last festival, it would’ve been much harder on all of us. Due to 2020 being the fun-sucker it is, the festival didn’t happen this year anyway, but it still felt weird when that weekend came and passed and we knew that chapter has come to a close.

Penny survived her first (and only so far) plane ride. She and Ellie (Leanna and Clayton’s dog) started to get along, and even took naps together, just as we left for NYC). Penny’s really developed a little personality in year 2 of her life. She’s calmed down slightly, but she’s still a rascal. She loves road trips. She enjoys sitting on the couch and watching the parking lot from our apartment. We say she thinks she’s the Parking Lot Supervisor. In New York, she loved squirrels and birds, exploring the parks with us, and finding other small dogs to chase.

I learned to cut Darrell’s hair while we lived in NYC and I’ve been cutting it ever since! A skill I didn’t intend to pick up until 2020 presented such an “opportunity.” Haha!

We enjoyed spending time with Darrell’s mom and brother this fall when they visited!

We went camping and got soaked! But it was a fun weekend!

We look forward to welcoming our nephew Baby Barnes in a few short months!!

Wishing You So Much Joy in 2021!

We love you and wish you so much joy, peace and good health in the new year!

-Sarah, Darrell and Penny