Worried About Time
A heavier subject / more vulnerable blog post today than my typical content... The pandemic has impacted each of us in different ways but I believe if we were to compare notes, we’d see we share some struggles. For me personally, I know it’s caused a lot of fear and worry in my life surrounding the “timing” of certain things I had hoped and planned for in 2020. To be really real, that goes beyond the impact of coronavirus for me and includes other major factors: moving and then moving again, going through a major career shift and more, dictating how 2020 is playing out. I don’t say that to say my situation is unique, although it’s “different", but to say I see you - I see you standing in the midst of a year that is crazy because of coronavirus + X,Y,Z… Life is tough with all the other battles we face, let alone adding a pandemic to the mix. I’ve witnessed many loved ones (and total strangers too) face things like job loss, prolonged unemployment, loneliness, sickness, death of people close to people I know. All of those things are incredibly difficult and let’s be real… they’re devastating events/seasons of life.
The Timing of It All
Part of the worry is that you make plans based on what you expect, and when the unexpected happens, how do you feel confident to make more plans? The average person is going to feel burned and retreat to some degree. I don’t want to live a life playing it safe. But I also know the burn of jumping all in with certain opportunities. It makes you stop and consider EVERYTHING. I know there are people who had amazing plans to pay off debt this year and now they don’t have a job. So how do they survive let alone not dig a bigger hole? That sort of stuff SUCKS. What do you even say to a friend going through that? Obviously there’s more to life than what’s in your bank account but if that money determines whether you buy a house, pay for an adoption or fertility or get your elderly parent into the type of facility you feel they deserve… those are real life things and they’re happening to so many around us. If you dwell on those things for long it will most certainly bum you out so I’m sorry, please don’t get sucked into that part of this post… but I think sometimes, especially on the internet, it is easier, less painful, to act like none of that is happening. Focus on other things. Or just completely drown out anything that’s not pretty and aesthetically pleasing. Let me also add right here that I prefer platforms like Instagram stay all sunshine and roses because it’s (at least for me) a happy place. I love that it’s a place where people can create freely and it is so inspiring and I honestly feel like it’s life-giving in a way.
You start to worry about time. And while for many situations, a year of being thrown off track isn’t going to make or break things, there are other cases that it completely derails someone’s future. And then what? I don’t have the answer. But I think that’s why you see a lot of people rethinking everything about their lives. And that’s not a bad outcome - because rethinking lives is making a lot of people realize they could be a lot happier doing something different, living somewhere else, etc. and it also changes people’s priorities.
Another tangent here but stick with me… I believe God is doing incredible things FOR GOOD through this pandemic like rebuilding the family unit. People are taking a new interest in home life. Families are closer than ever before. (Please also don’t read this as me saying “everything is great and everyone complaining about coronavirus is wrong!” because that’s not what I’m saying, it’s just that there are postives things happening in the midst of so much bad)
There’s a Time For *This*
Do you ever read scripture and just feel so overcome with awe? Awe because you realize God truly knows and cares for the matters of your heart. He knows it all. He knows those things you can’t even put into thoughts but are just buried deep in your chest. I can’t say I’m a “good Christian” and that I know tons of scripture or have answers for your questions or that I’m good at consistently studying the Bible, but I have been showing up more to “morning time with God” and just by showing up, the Lord always blows my mind. The things I am learning… The things that scripture and prayer both have REVEALED to me about our Heavenly Father’s character and His immeasurable LOVE for us - it will truly stop you in your tracks.
That’s how I felt when I studied this passage. I’ve been studying the book of Ecclesiastes and it’s kind of an oddly written book. I didn’t know much about it until I started this devotional. King Solomon basically wrote this book about his search for the meaning of life “under the sun” AKA life on earth. Through it you gather how separate from God, everything on earth means nothing. Nothing here on earth lasts. While that sounds like a depressing book, and I can truthfully say I wasn’t super excited about this devotional, it has been so eye-opening.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15
THE MYSTERY OF TIME
1 There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot;
3 a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build;
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance;
5 a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing;
6 a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away;
7 a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak;
8 a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his struggles? 10 I have seen the task that God has given people to keep them occupied. 11 He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also put eternity in their hearts, but man cannot discover the work God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and enjoy the good life. 13 It is also the gift of God whenever anyone eats, drinks, and enjoys all his efforts. 14 I know that all God does will last forever; there is no adding to it or taking from it. God works so that people will be in awe of Him. 15 Whatever is, has already been, and whatever will be, already is. God repeats what has passed.
Although I’ve read/heard this passage before, it (along with the other passages in this particular day’s devotional) really spoke to me in this season of feeling like the timing of certain parts of my life isn’t playing out how I’m worried it’s “supposed to go” (according to my own or worldly standards). I’ve worried for a while that I’ve messed up and remain spinning my wheels. I pick apart the past trying to figure out where I went wrong. I’ve struggled with feeling like a failure a lot in the past year. Admitting that on the internet is so terrifying. But I’m sharing it because I feel convicted that God’s going to use all my crazy Enneagram 4w3 emotions and endless analyzation to help someone else. There’s a time for whatever this is in my life. And that’s comforting. Thank God for the hope of heaven and a place where we no longer encounter the troubles of this world.
Is this something you relate to? I know not everyone feels comfortable opening up about these sort of things in an online forum, so obviously no pressure to share details but I pray that in your own journey through COVID and what’s still to come, that you can find peace.
If you’re looking for a devotional, Ecclesiastes: Life Under the Sun by She Reads Truth is what I’m currently studying, and I recommend it!! Know going into it that it’s not an “easy” read… but also not difficult, just more of a challenge in the sense that you’ll want to take time to read, re-read and really dig in. It’s one that will make you think. And for the guys, there’s also a He Reads Truth Ecclesiastes study!